1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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