hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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