So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
