It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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