i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
