You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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