in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
