If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
