you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
