Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
