you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
