I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
