she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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