It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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