I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
