so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
