thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Randomize
