I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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