she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
