oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
as a side note pls kill me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
