I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
