even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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