Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
