i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
