I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
