The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so explain again why im purple
no
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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