My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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