3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
