You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize