Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
