We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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