oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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