He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
