I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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