I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
