is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So squirting runs in the family.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize