i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
