so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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