Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
