just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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