Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
