it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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