Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
sex in a hospital.. check
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
