Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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