I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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