Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
