That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
