people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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