would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
