you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
