We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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