Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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