update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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