That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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