if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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