Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I understand Curling. That high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
