You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
