a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
