Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
