I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
