then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
