just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
