Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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