Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
