So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
