It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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