i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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