One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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