erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
