I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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