How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize