margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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