i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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