he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize