I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
