Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize